With the recent surge in great, underground music, you'd think that perhaps people's tastes might change a little bit. At the very least, you'd hope that people would recognize quality music when they heard it, and that record sales would reflect this.

So what's the number one album in America this week?

It's Barry Fuckin' Manilow. Some goddamn fossil singing remakes of 50-year-old songs. My ears are bleeding just thinking of this. And it's going to be all over the cheesy radio stations they pump at work. So we'll have years of listening to these songs. Oh, apple, when will you make an iPod implant that I can port right into my auditory canal?

Only sweet, cleansing fire will remake this music industry now.