O, Old Dominion, your wackjobbery knows no bounds. Although patriotic warriors against prostitution have for millenia managed to prosecute the oldest profession without, you know, actually paying for its services, Spotsylvania County says you: nay!

You could look at it as progress -- I mean, how can you haul someone in as a lady of the night just for, you know, having a price list and agreeing to come back to your place? Unless you actually bone her yourself, she could just be a feisty young trickster, full of innocent shenanigans, who just happens to like hanging out in dark alleys and taking rides at night in skeevy guys' cars. And unless you actually pay her for her services, she could be like some kind of sexy angel of charity, willingly opening the doors of Venus to the lonely and saddened, as well as to the thin blue line that protects us from . . . um . . . I don't know. Is there anything going on in Spotsylvania County except police officers knockin' das boots with glamorous ladies?

Yes, as a matter of fact. According to the FBI's statistics for 2000, Spotsylvania County boasts a wide array of criminal activities, including some lovely violent ones, like murder, rape, and arson, that the fuzz could deal with when, you know, they're not doing the horizontal mambo with masseuses. Strangely, a glance at the old statistics shows that prostitution doesn't seem to be big on the Spotsylvania crime blotter. But maybe that's just 'cause back in 2000, them durn cops weren't doing their jobs. Their hard, hard, (oooh, so hard, that's it . . .) jobs.