The Journal reports on the newest technology that will subjugate women at a home near you: a camera that takes high-resolution images of women's faces to show all their imperceptible imperfections!

Consumer-products companies are trying a new strategy to hawk their beauty wares. In the past, they relied on images of beautiful models to sell the fantasy that women could look that good by using the companies' products. Now, they are exposing and magnifying women's hidden flaws to scare them into buying the products.

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P&G's new SIAscope, short for Spectrophotometric Intracutaneous Analysis Scope, was adapted from an instrument used by doctors to detect skin cancer. In its test, P&G's beauty expert passed a wand over Ms. Coxall's face that emitted pulses of light. The light penetrated the skin and bounced off three molecules found there -- hemoglobin, melanin and collagen -- measuring the amount of change in them by the way the light bounced.

Changes in those molecules can make skin look dull and aged, the P&G expert told Ms. Coxall.

I personally would like to thank the men who developed this technology. It's the best invention since that little indicator light on the vacuum cleaner that says the carpet is imperceptibly dirty and needs to be cleaned even more.

The inventors are contributing to the gains in my combined mutual fund for the control of women--the Anti-FemFund, which has had glorious 5 and 10 year returns. The Fund is heavily principally comprised of Proctor & Gamble, magazine publishers, cosmetics companies, and the production company that made the movie Pretty Woman. Ha!